By on February 10th, 2016

After the Honeymoon

When your new international guest arrives, there will probably be a honeymoon period when everyone is excited by the newness and going out of their way to be pleasant and get along. Once this phase has passed and your days have settled into normal routines, you may find that being a host family is more challenging than it first appeared. If your guest’s great attitude suddenly takes a turn for the worse, or the difficulties of coordinating schedules are starting to wear, there are a few things you can do to improve the situation.

Give Time to Acclimate

Your guest may be experiencing delayed culture shock and homesickness. It’s important to give them time to work through these feelings, and make allowances for changes in time zones and expectations. Help them keep in touch with their family back home by allowing them time and space to Skype, write letters, or make phone calls. Keeping your schedule predictable and minimizing special events for a while can help the student deal with the time change, and any culture shock they may be experiencing. Also remember that homesickness and culture shock can come in waves. Just because your guest seemed fine one week doesn’t mean they are cured. If you suspect that your guest may be experiencing depression due to their new lifestyle, encourage them to seek medical care through their work or school program. Finally, simply allowing your guest space to work through their feelings on their own can be the best thing to do. Overwhelming them with many activities or new faces can add to the culture shock.

Everyone is Different

When your guest arrived, you were probably very eager to make them feel welcome and to learn from them. Researching and preparing a traditional meal from their home might have seemed like a good idea to make them feel welcomed, and many students would love the extra effort you went through. However, it is important to remember that everyone is an individual within their own culture, and that countries often have hugely diverse regions with completely different ways of life. Imagine you were a born-and-bred New Yorker going to live in a place where they assumed all Americans loved sweet tea and said “y’all”. And just because tater-tot-casserole is the traditional potluck meal where you are from doesn’t mean it’s your favorite food. The best policy is to treat your new guest as part of the family, and don’t change your usual routine too much. Ask them to teach you what kinds of foods they like to eat, rather than what kinds of food are traditionally served at their home.

Communicate

The best policy for a rough patch is communication. Gently approach your guest and ask them what you can do to make them feel more at home. Clearly lay out expectations when it comes to things like transportation, curfew, and utility and Internet use, and listen to them when they bring up concerns. It probably took a lot of courage for your student to speak to you about things that are bothering them, especially if they come from a culture where young people do not criticize their elders. When communicating, it’s important not to speak down to your guest if their English isn’t entirely fluent. Speak normally, and allow them to ask you to clarify where they need to. Hearing correct grammar will help them more than broken instructions. If you are having major problems getting along, setting up a group meeting with your student’s program advisor is a great way to clear the air and hopefully save the relationship.